I'm having a hard relationship with my body right now.
How do you feel about yours?
A friend of mine wrote this beautiful and very (in my opinion) important blog post about body shame that made me think and feel a lot of things. One of the things it made me think of immediately was this quote by Brené Brown in her book Atlas of the Heart:
"Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love, belonging, and connection. Shame thrives on secrecy, silence, and judgement. If you put shame into a petri dish and douse it with these three things, it will grow exponentially into every corner and crevice of our lives."
Truthfully, I'm feeling ashamed about my body right now. I'm not remotely "old", but as a 29 year old I've started noticing little things: cherry moles on my chest, crows feet by my eyes, skin sitting differently, a couple wiry black hairs that seemed to have grown into trees over night in places where there "shouldn't be" hair (WHY the very front of my neck???)
I started watching Euphoria on Crave the other day because I wanted to know what all the fuss was about (it's ALL over my social media), and 15 minutes in I had to stop. I'm at a place where watching half (or completely) naked, thin, young, pretty people shame each other just is not for me. This isn't about the show, it's probably really great- I just don't need more images in my life of what "ideal" bodies look like right now.
For me, this is a really hard thing. Simultaneously, while I'm judging and shaming my body, I've also been staying silent because I'm afraid that if I talk about my shame others will say "oh my god, what are you talking about?" or we'll all do that social comparison thing where we talk about parts of other peoples' bodies we love while not believing the compliments people give us on our own.
So my body stuff stays a secret.
So my body stuff stays silent.
So my body stuff stays judged.
The shame grows stronger.
But as Cate discusses in her blog (linked above), what if we OPENLY talked about our body feelings? What if instead of pushing down the shame and pretending that our bodies just don't really exist, we radically talked out loud about the hard things?
We're told every day by society that not only should we look a certain way, but we also definitely should NOT talk about OUR bodies. Judge other peoples? Oh, for sure. Look a certain way? Absolutely. But talk about YOUR body and your relationship to it? THAT'S A HARD NO.
Well that seems silly to me. Let's connect, let's empathize, let's step out of the secrecy, silence, and judgement.
I'll start. Here are 5 things I'm feeling about my body and don't know what to do with right now:
1. BLACK WIRY HAIRS MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A TROLL. Do you have them too??? Please confirm. I hate them with the burning white hot intensity of a thousand suns.
2. I look tired. ALL. THE. TIME. Is this just how my face looks now???
3. My stomach just doesn't look how I want it to look. I am SO STRONG and yet I have never (in my life- this is not a new thing) had abs "the way I want to have abs". This makes me feel foolish and shallow.
4. My body aches sometimes. I had to get a cortisone injection in my foot recently because walking is now apparently an extreme sport? Honestly, that pisses me off.
5. I am the strongest, most physically and mentally capable I have ever been in my life. I truly love myself the most I ever have, AND I am experiencing the paradox of intense self-love and self-judgement at the same time.
How do you feel about your body? What do you feel? Would you be comfortable sharing?
This week's theme in our Empathic Movement classes is: "Compassion for self-shame" where you are invited (if interested) to not only talk openly about your body feelings, but also practice empathy and peace WITH those feelings.
This isn't about stuffing down our shame, NOR is it about going "I hate my body, period"- this is about acknowledging that those feelings are very real and true to you, and how can sharing those feelings safely allow you to empathize with yourself a little bit more?
What if this IS how your body is right now?
How can you find peace and acceptance of what your body is like rather than self-judge in silence?